Dear Cousin Barack,
You may not recall me right off hand but I am your Cousin several times removed sometimes forcibly like that time I got throwed out of the Obama reunion that one time for being drunked up and all. I really was not all that drunk it was probably the weed that made it look like I was. Drunk that is. Anyway I am from the White side of the family but I don’t hold anything against any body no matter what their Color as long as you are not a Mexican. Or a Arab but only if you was to go all jihad on me. That would not be good for no one. But I digress.
How are you and the missus and the girls doing? I hope you are doing well. We are fine. Well almost. The wife (my wife not yours. Ha! Ha!) come down with a bad case of the flu on account of she did not get a flu shot like I told her a million times to get it, but does she listen to me? Heck no, but she could not because she has to work 2 jobs just to afford the gas to get to her third job and so she is a little pressed for time. I offered to go and get the shot for her but she said it don’t work that way. I myself went to the Doctor the other day and he said that I am as healthy as a Horse and he should know because he is a veterinarian or a vegetarian I get them two mixed up.
Speaking of jobs I hear that you have a new job in Washington, D.C. the Nation’s Capital not the State which as I am sure you know is a whole different bag of Potatoes. I hear that it is a government Job that you got which is good because it is near to impossible to get fired from one of those. Watch out for them politicians they are a slick bunch and will skin you quicker than I can skin a rabbit which is pretty dang quick as it has reached the point in these parts where you had better know how to skin something or there wont be no meat on the table.
Anyway, this job of yours. Are they looking to put any body else on the payroll or are all the good jobs taken? I am in the Market for something in a new line of work for me, which would pretty much be any work at all. The old Ball and Chain that I am Married to might get off my back about her working all them jobs if I got a job too. But probably not. Once she gets a thing on her mind you cant pry it loose with a Crow Bar and she has got it in her Mind that I ought to be the Breadwinner in this house hold. I ast her has she ever heard of Equal Rights for Women and she said she would be happy if I was to Equal things up around here by getting up off my lazy Butt and getting a job forgive my French. Some nerve huh.
Well that is all I have to say for now. I hope to see you at the next Reunion if they will lift the Restraining Order. Write back and let me know if there is some job or another available up your way. Maybe you could pull a few strings Ha! Ha! as if any member of the Obama family will ever amount to much. That was a good one I got more just as good so if you meet any body up there in Washington who needs a Speech Writer you just let me know.
Your Cousin Lamar
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