Our alleged local newspaper, the Waycross Journal Herald (suggested slogan: "Too rough for toilet paper") recently published a letter to the alleged editor written by an alleged sane person, one Harrison D. Watts. This is one of those letters. I was going to just give a synopsis and quote some of the odder bits out of context. Then I decided that this is a feast best savored in its entirety.
Editor, Journal Herald:
While the local pinko/socialist apologistas are gloating over the victory (?) of Barak Hussein Obama and telling the conquered peons to "suck it up" there are still some unanswered questions about the real authority of the current leader of the Democratic machine. Answer are out there. The truth will be exposed someday.
Questions like these have NOT been answered. All we have gotten is hot air gloating.
1) Is there any proof that B. Hussein Obama is NOT a secret Mohammedan? (His aunt certainly is. She's in Boston fighting deportation back to Kenya.)
2) Is the any PROOF of B. Hussein Obama's actual birthplace? B. Hussein Obama has SEALED any birth records relating to him. He has said that he was born at TWO different Hawaiian hospitals. And his grandmother says she was present at Obama's birth, neglecting to say how she got to Hawaii from Kenya. Very suspicious, methinks. And the recent resurfacing of Obama's BROTHER raises more questions than ever.
3) Has anyone ever thought to point out that EVERY socialist regime ever imposed on free people has FAILED?
4) Why has no one realized that once you "spread the wealth" thw way Obama wants to, there is no more wealth to be created after that?
5) Why stop with taking over the healthcare insurance industry? Wouldn't a total takeover of ALL insurance make more sense? Every citizen could, in theory, get all needed insurance from the government - car, accident, marine, home, fire, burial - you name it. Why not have life insurance paid for by the government with the government as beneficiary?
6)Who pays for Nancy Pelosi's daily hair plastering and facial shellac jobs?
7) Why are Congresstwerps Rangel, Murtha and Dingell so all-fired anxious to hide their own personal millions while trying to impose Obama socialism on everybody else? Very curious!
8) And one last question that has every serious minded thinker simply beside him/herself? Once Levi Johnson has stripped down and waved a middle finger to Sarah Palin from some center-fold or other, who do you think will call him first: The cast of Bridezillas or one of the guyliner/hair goop losers from American Idol? (Sorry, that is too tough a question; maybe it shouldn't be answered!
(signed) Harrison D. Watts
Sunday, November 15, 2009
My Reply
The Editor:
I am happy to see that the Waycross Journal Herald has dropped all pretense at journalism and has embraced its role as a humor publication. Lord knows this town could use a good laugh.
I refer of course to the proliferation of jocundity set forth by one Harrison D. Watts in his letter of November 14th, 2009. I will confess to being slow to get the joke. Such is the subtlety of the man that I assumed, naively perhaps, that Mr. Watts is mentally ill and that you, Mr. Editor, were cruelly exploiting his delusions for your own aggrandizement. I apologize for my error. It is now clear to me, upon reading Mr. Watt’s most recent screed, that Mr. Watts is a sublime humorist and that you, Mr. Editor, are a supreme judge of applied wit. Imagine my chagrin.
Nonetheless, I feel compelled to respond to the hilarious points that Mr. Watts made. Let us begin with the spelling of Barak (sic) Hussein Obama’s name. I can only surmise that either Mr. Watts thinks that misspelling someone’s name is funny and that you, Mr. Editor, agree or that someone (oops!) failed to use that pesky spell-check.
Let us, for the sake of brevity (alas, not one of Mr. Watts virtues), ignore the logical inconsistencies of the first two paragraphs. Let us also, in the spirit of Mr. Watts, feel free to USE CAPITAL LETTERS for EMPHASIS!!! (I threw in the exclamation points for free). I will address these points numerically, just as Mr. Watts has done.
1) Is there any proof that B. Hussein Obama is NOT a secret Mohammedan?
YES! It’s called OBJECTIVE REALITY. Claiming that one’s crazy aunt’s assertion to the contrary is proof is NOT proof. Who doesn’t have a crazy aunt or two?
2) Is there any PROOF (again with the caps) of B. Hussein Obama’s actual birthplace? Yes. Again, it’s called OBJECTIVE REALITY. Ho hum. More loopy relatives. Who ain’t got a barn full of those?
3) NON SEQUITOR!
5) Once again, v-e-r-y slowly…NON SEQUITOR…
6) Huh?
7) Congresstwerps Rangel, Murtha and Dingell? That just sounds FUNNY! Ha! Ha!
8) As to Levi Johnson’s ‘stripped down, middle fingered centerfold salute to Sarah Palin’? While I can’t address your admittedly hot synopsis (I am fanning myself as I type this), when Mr. Watts’s medications wear off and his galloping senility has been conquered and your own TENUOUS SENSE OF REALITY has returned, please, please, please, let me know just what the good gentleman was TALKING ABOUT.
Lamar Deal
Waycross, Georgia
I am happy to see that the Waycross Journal Herald has dropped all pretense at journalism and has embraced its role as a humor publication. Lord knows this town could use a good laugh.
I refer of course to the proliferation of jocundity set forth by one Harrison D. Watts in his letter of November 14th, 2009. I will confess to being slow to get the joke. Such is the subtlety of the man that I assumed, naively perhaps, that Mr. Watts is mentally ill and that you, Mr. Editor, were cruelly exploiting his delusions for your own aggrandizement. I apologize for my error. It is now clear to me, upon reading Mr. Watt’s most recent screed, that Mr. Watts is a sublime humorist and that you, Mr. Editor, are a supreme judge of applied wit. Imagine my chagrin.
Nonetheless, I feel compelled to respond to the hilarious points that Mr. Watts made. Let us begin with the spelling of Barak (sic) Hussein Obama’s name. I can only surmise that either Mr. Watts thinks that misspelling someone’s name is funny and that you, Mr. Editor, agree or that someone (oops!) failed to use that pesky spell-check.
Let us, for the sake of brevity (alas, not one of Mr. Watts virtues), ignore the logical inconsistencies of the first two paragraphs. Let us also, in the spirit of Mr. Watts, feel free to USE CAPITAL LETTERS for EMPHASIS!!! (I threw in the exclamation points for free). I will address these points numerically, just as Mr. Watts has done.
1) Is there any proof that B. Hussein Obama is NOT a secret Mohammedan?
YES! It’s called OBJECTIVE REALITY. Claiming that one’s crazy aunt’s assertion to the contrary is proof is NOT proof. Who doesn’t have a crazy aunt or two?
2) Is there any PROOF (again with the caps) of B. Hussein Obama’s actual birthplace? Yes. Again, it’s called OBJECTIVE REALITY. Ho hum. More loopy relatives. Who ain’t got a barn full of those?
3) NON SEQUITOR!
5) Once again, v-e-r-y slowly…NON SEQUITOR…
6) Huh?
7) Congresstwerps Rangel, Murtha and Dingell? That just sounds FUNNY! Ha! Ha!
8) As to Levi Johnson’s ‘stripped down, middle fingered centerfold salute to Sarah Palin’? While I can’t address your admittedly hot synopsis (I am fanning myself as I type this), when Mr. Watts’s medications wear off and his galloping senility has been conquered and your own TENUOUS SENSE OF REALITY has returned, please, please, please, let me know just what the good gentleman was TALKING ABOUT.
Lamar Deal
Waycross, Georgia
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